10 Wildest Borderlands Side Quests

Summary

• Bizarre side quests in the Borderlands games offer wild humor and unique rewards like Sarah Palin-themed weapons.
• Some of the funniest and most unique include a grim tea party, giving Claptrap a beard, and renaming bullymongs.
• Some missions force players to make non-violent choices, throw parties for no-shows, and release a man from a porta-potty.

The Borderlands games are full to the brim with wackiness of epic proportions. They’re known for their over-the-top characters, high-octane violence, and absurd humor.

While the main story quests are all these things and then some, the side quests of Borderlands push the boundaries even further. They range from one-off jokes that you can’t believe someone actually put into a video game to ridiculous plot-lines that take things in the most unexpected directions.

They often hand out unique rewards that keep the laughs rolling long after the quest is done. Here are some of the wildest, weirdest, and most outrageous side quests that the series has to offer.

10 Borderlands 2: Splinter Group

Psychos In A Half Shell, Turtle Power

Enter the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (sort of). Fairly quickly after reaching Sanctuary in Borderlands 2, Tanis sends you on the hunt to kill a few mutants who just so happen to love pizza.

You know what’s happening here pretty quickly. As Tanis rattles off some reasons that these mutants need to be exterminated, you head off into the sewers, just as you would expect to, and find the mutant’s hangout: the Rat’s Nest.

One by one you take out the color-coordinated rats named Lee, Dan, Ralph, and Mick. Even if this side quest is just a reference, it still has some fun layers, and a decent helping of social commentary.

Completing this cameo mission rewards you with EXP, and The RokSalt shotgun with flavor text quoting Sarah Palin, “Don’t retreat. Instead, reload!” Even if I had some residual guilt from killing my childhood heroes, the caustic RokSalt made the whole thing worth it with its incredibly fast reload speed and high damage output.

9 Borderlands 2: You Are Cordially Invited

Tina’s Torturous Tea Party

This twisted quest line is one of your first introductions to Tiny Tina in Borderlands 2. After you meet her, she enlists your help in throwing the ultimate tea party.

First you climb a mountain, defeat a horde of varkids, and clear out a bandit camp to gather supplies and save her friend, Sir Reginald. You then have the great pleasure of luring the guest of honor, Fleshstick, to the table.

What follows is a grim revenge scene wrapped in pink. Tina tortures Fleshstick as his bandit friends come to set him free.

You have to mow down his forces to protect the generator keeping Tina’s violent tea party electrified. Eventually, Tina cheerfully throws a switch, frying the man that sold her family out.

This quest is the moment that Tina earned a special place in my heart. She could have easily been another joke character, but her story is full of tragic depth that provides her grisly antics with some important context.

Rewards for assisting in this execution are money, EXP, and the Caustic Teapot pistol, a corrosive weapon that packs a major punch.

8 Borderlands 2: Kill Yourself

Handsome Jack’s Lose-Lose Proposal

Handsome Jack is, without a doubt, the greatest villain in all of Borderlands. He has all the money of Bruce Wayne, but none of the moral code.

So, when he offers you a quest to kill yourself for money in order to assert his dominance after reaching the Eridium Blight in Borderlands 2, it comes as no surprise.

This one can be picked up at the Jack Bounty Statue, an unsubtle tribute to the man himself. After accepting, Jack offers you a choice: jump off a cliff or push a button to call the Hyperion Suicide Prevention Hotline.

Jumping rewards you with Eridium and EXP. Not jumping rewards you with more EXP, but no Eridium. Either choice gives you some great commentary from Jack.

I opted to jump for the Eridium and regretted nothing, despite the names Jack called me for it.

7 Assault on Dragon’s Keep: The Beard Makes The Man

Why Grow A Beard When You Can Steal One?

Within the D&D-inspired Borderlands 2 DLC, Tiny Tina’s Assault on Dragon’s Keep, is a side quest to craft a very special beard for wizard Claptrap. In his own words, “All great wizards have big beards.”

Robots can’t grow them, so you’ve got to help him out. His plan means stealing the beards off some alcohol-loving dwarves.

To complete this quest, you have to lure dwarves into some heavy mining equipment and activate it to crush them, with the optional objective of getting them drunk by shooting them with the pistol, Miss Moxxi’s Grog Nozzle. You then have to fight your way through the long and perilous journey to the forge to combine the beard pieces in grandiose fashion.

Since it was so easy to do, I chose to get the dwarves drunk before crushing them and looped them around for a while, listening to all the great drunken commentary. Rewards for embeardening Claptrap are money, EXP, a skin customization, and wizard Claptrap permanently having a glorious beard.

6 Borderlands 2: The Name Game

“Bullymong” Just Doesn’t Have A Ring To It

Sir Hammerlock, the gentleman and scholar, needs help coming up with a catchy new name for bullymongs before his almanac releases. In Borderlands 2, picking up this quest from him in Sanctuary sends you out on a hilarious adventure of research, murder, and creature naming.

It starts out pretty straightforward, with Hammerlock suggesting meaningful alternative names based on their behavior.

It devolves quickly after the publishers push back and Hammerlock resolves to rename them “bonerfarts”. As long as you’re on the last objective of the quest, bullymongs retain the name, which makes it very tempting to never complete the quest.

Rewards for completion are money, EXP, and a shotgun or shield.

I opted for the shotgun to help fend off the waves of psychos that are common at this stage of the game.

5 Tiny Tina’s Wonderlands: Non-Violent Offender

Roll To Seduce A Range Of Curious Characters

What’s fantasy without a love story? This Tiny Tina’s Wonderlands quest line offers up one for the ages in an interesting nod to TTRPG tropes.

While the usual Borderlands quest is solved through massive amounts of bloodshed, this one forces you to make choices about how to handle the situation without killing (almost) anyone.

When you find the local evil wizard Baaldar the Ghastly, you can intimidate him or attempt to seduce him.

When you meet Snacc, the valiant goblin guard, you can distract them, bribe them, or seduce them.

When you encounter Broonfield the Ancient Guardian you can attack him, seduce him, or listen to him.

Navigating these choices rewards you with either the Goblin’s Bane melee weapon or the Love Leopard rocket launcher if you seduce everyone then un-seduce Snacc.

I went the seduction route for the Love Leopard, because it’s just so unique. It fires heart-shaped projectiles that explode into smaller hearts, which almost makes breaking Snacc’s little heart worth it.

4 Borderlands 2: Claptrap’s Birthday Bash!

A Guest List Of One Makes Claptrap Very Sad

This Borderlands 2 quest is such a goofy bummer. It’s Claptrap’s seventh birthday, and you have to help him throw a party.

You run around town handing out invitations to all of his “friends” and then head back to get the party started. You hit the boombox which starts the music and a two-minute, ten-second timer.

No one shows up for the party. You have to sit through the entirety of the event, alone and silent, as you watch Claptrap try his hardest to still enjoy the affair and keep you entertained.

It’s incredibly awkward gameplay that really makes you feel for the guy. I dread this kind of moment in real life, so having to sit through it with one of my favorite characters overloaded my cringe sensors.

Enduring this quest rewards you with money, EXP, and a pistol or assault rifle.

3 Borderlands 3: Porta Prison

No Worse Place To Be Than Trapped In A Porta-Potty

It’s hard to forget a side quest where you fight to free a man from a sentient porta-potty.In Borderlands 3, the aptly named Trashmouth needs you to release him from his prison by putting various AI programs into the control system.

You’ll fight off his goons and some cop bots as he delivers some hysterical pleas for salvation. I have a policy of letting NPC’s talk until they stop in these games, and this quest is one of the best times I’ve ever had with it.

After the porta-potty is rocketed into the atmosphere, the entire quest culminates in you finding Trashmouth elsewhere, still stuck in his porta-prison, and killing him.

Completing this quest rewards you with money, EXP, and a rocket launcher called the Porta-Pooper 5000 which fires feces projectiles, because of course it does. This is one of the most brilliantly gross moments in the fantastic original Borderlands trilogy.

2 Tiny Tina’s Wonderlands: Ron Rivote

An Imagined Adventure For A Literary Icon

Ron Rivote is one special NPC, and easily my favorite. His Tiny Tina’s Wonderlands quest line is an iconic parody of the adventurous Don Quixote’s story that unfolds to increasing levels of ridiculousness.

Though Ron Rivote is spirited, his grasp on reality is tenuous. You battle a clock tower that he swears is a cyclops, storm a castle that’s really just a shack, and reunite him with his true love … a broom that he says is a princess.

The one thing Ron is right about is that the area is dangerous. You have to battle many shroomlets along the path of adventure and protect Ron, who can often be found unhelpfully slamming his sword against his imagined clocktower cyclops.

Completing this quest rewards you with Rivote’s Shield and Rivote’s Amulet, with abilities inspired by the favorite platitudes of their namesake, whose fate remains unknown.

Rivote’s Shield grants high health regen and increased movement speed while at full health. Rivote’s Amulet grants bravery against larger units and some elemental bonuses. They’re quite valuable and unique items worth seeking out.

1 Borderlands 2: Shoot This Guy In The Face

Well, He Did Ask For It, But That’s No Comfort

This Borderlands 2 side quest is the epitome of wild moments on Pandora. This is the one I reference when I try to convince my friends to play the game.

You stumble upon this while pursuing the main story in Thousand Cuts. A non-hostile psycho named Face McShooty is shouting desperately for someone to shoot him in the face.

If you accept, you can listen to his frantic requests for bullets in the face for an exceedingly long time. If you miss his face on the first shot, you get to listen to another, equally long rant.

This is, without a doubt, the ultimate moment for letting minor NPC’s talk. Shooting Face McShooty in the face completes the quest with a simple “Thank you!”, money, EXP, and extreme moral confusion.